oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
