so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
