I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
