Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
