Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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