That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
