Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I came so hard my ears popped.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
