dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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