He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
