i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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