you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize