Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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