By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
