What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
