she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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