I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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