I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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