census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
