sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
