One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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