you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
