either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
