According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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