Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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