dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
