STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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