I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
