I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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