what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
