I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
