I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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