Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Randomize
