i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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