I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
