This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
