There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
