Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
