Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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