but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
