it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
