I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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