you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
