I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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