I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
