How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
