He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
