Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
