My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
