i think i have two assholes
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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