first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
