a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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