I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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