If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
