i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
