And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
