I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
