You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My ATM looks so different sober.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
