remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
