The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
