The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
