please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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