it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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