i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Can I color on your dick again?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
