You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize