five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dear god my vagina.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize