the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dignity is for republicans.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
