I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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