and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
