I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
